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Throughout this series, we’ve been considering change as a good thing, something we can control and take slowly in our own time. But let’s face it, change doesn’t always happen that way. Sometimes a big, life-changing event takes us by surprise. Sometimes the event is scheduled and prepared for, like a high school graduation, a new baby or a new job. Other times it comes out of the blue, like a death, layoff or lottery win. And changes can be considered good or bad. One thing they always are is different!

There are a lot of resources to help you through these big changes, and I am no expert. But here are a few steps that have helped me past the last few big changes:

• Breathe Yes, just drop your shoulders, relax your neck and breathe. If you’re still breathing, then you can get through the next couple steps. If not, you don’t need to worry about change any more!
• Allow your emotions By this I don’t mean to wallow in a puddle of hopelessness, but to realize some emotions will happen whether you like it or not. Go ahead and grieve or dance or be amazed, whatever your situation calls for. Don’t put it off or think it’s silly, it’s important.
• Don’t play the “What If” game Whenever big changes happen to me, my first response usually starts “What if…” Don’t allow yourself to go there. There’s nothing down that road but high blood pressure and hand-wringing.
• Share, with boundaries Choose one or two trusted advisors to confide in. Don’t go spouting your situation to the entire planet. But do unburden to someone who cares about you and whose advice you trust. Sometimes just voicing your concerns out loud can help.
• Don’t rehash Once you’ve stated your thoughts about where you find yourself, stop. Getting into a feedback loop of saying the same concerns over and over sets up a sense of hopelessness that can be difficult to recover from.
• Care for yourself Now is not the time to stop eating and sleeping, or to hide indoors. Fresh air, sunlight, adequate sleep and nourishing foods are four strong tools to help you cope with change.
• Care for others Looking beyond your circumstances and meeting others’ needs can provide a welcome break from a new, demanding change.

Even good changes can stress the body and mind. So no matter what big change comes knocking on your door, stop, breathe and think your way through it. Change is one way new beginnings happen. And without new beginnings, life would be painfully tedious.

So, what big changes have snuck up on you recently? Are you comfortable with how you are handling them? Be sure to come back Thursday for my story.

If you’ve been rethinking with me on Mondays, I hope you’ve discovered change isn’t really a scary thing, but a very useful tool for crafting your life the way that it works for you.

For the last two weeks of this series, I want to encourage you to seek out change rather than letting it sneak up behind you and startle you out of your socks. Next week we’ll talk about what to do when the big, life-altering change comes. But this week, let’s get out of our comfort zones and tiptoe toward the beast!

It’s really easy to get stuck in a rut. It’s comfortable to always read the same type of books and talk to the same people. As much as I believe in social media as a force to be reckoned with, it can be a trap: following the same type of people on Facebook and Twitter that I talk to in my everyday comings and goings only serves to entrench my position. It doesn’t help me grow or see the other side of this world I’m inhabiting.

I follow a couple people on Twitter simply because they anger me. They say stuff that is the complete opposite of what I believe. It’s been a real challenge for me to not jump in and whip off 140 characters of vitriol on occasion. There have been times when I’ve pushed an issue near and dear to my heart a little too hard. But I find my online community very forgiving and willing to overlook my harsh moments for the overall camaraderie we share (thank you, Heather).

Are there books you’ve read that you picked up on a whim that ended up changing you? Are there people you’ve spoken to who have encouraged you to leave behind a prejudice or preconceived notion? What moves you out of your comfort zone? Please share your thoughts below, and come back on Thursday for my own story of chasing the change bear.

Okay, we’ve rethought some easy things. I think you’ll really be challenged this week. I know I was when I started thinking this post through.

Ask any ten-year-old who says they want to be a doctor when they grow up why, and they’ll probably tell you they want to be a doctor to help people. And at ten, it’s probably true. It might even still hold true at eighteen or halfway through medical school. But eventually, doctors in training learn something about their chosen profession: there’s more to medicine than “helping people.”

To be safe, a doctor must carry malpractice insurance. To get patients, a physician will usually partner with several insurance carriers. And to keep the lights on and the staff paid, a doctor will pay very close attention to the bottom line. Soon, the practice of medicine necessarily becomes a job, like carpenter, clerk, burger flipper or window washer, less focused on helping and more on money.

Am I saying doctors don’t care about their patients or are in it exclusively to get rich? No, I’m saying that doctors have bills to pay like you and I. They work for income like you and I. And any service for which you pay is ultimately about making money.

Say it with me, “If a business charges you a fee for their services, they are a for-profit organization: they exist to make money.” There. That wasn’t so hard. And it’s not evil or wrong. Doctors have to eat, pay bills, repay staggering college loans, buy their kids shoes and get shots for the dog. So do hospital administrators, nurses, dentists, lawyers, morticians, policemen, store owners and all the rest.

Now, here’s another leap. The only one looking out for your best interest is you. With only a tiny handful of exceptions, no one in your life is concerned with what is best for you but you. Nope, not Oprah. Not the publishers of the magazine on the coffee table. Not the anchorman on the news. Not (here’s the leap) the doctor, lawyer, dentist, politician, pharmacist, policeman or anyone else.

Are you still with me? Each one of these paid professionals does his or her job to make money to pay bills and put food on the table. If a professional has no interest in money, but only in helping people, there are numerous charities where time may be volunteered. And it is a wonderful thing if your chosen profession is in a field you love. But we all work to pay the piper, don’t we?

Some of us are blessed with amazing spouses and parents who regularly sacrifice their best interests on our behalf. If we are even more blessed, we have children and spouses for which we exercise this same strength-building ritual. It’s a good thing to do and edifying in many ways. But it’s not something we should expect from those around us who aren’t personally invested in us.

It would be a mistake of the other extreme to view these people with suspicion or with a jaded eye. There’s nothing inherently evil in earning a living. We run into problems when we accept wholesale what one authority says and base our belief system around it. Because we must act in our own best interest, we must seek out a second or third opinion when a doctor gives us a diagnosis. We must ask questions. And if a professional doesn’t give us the time we need to ask, we must find a new professional.

Is there a professional in your life who gives you an acute case of “expert awe”? Are you able to make the step away from this awe to realize that he or she is in a for-profit business? What makes a professional worthy of your trust? How far does that trust extend? Strike up a conversation below, or post a link to your blog where you brainstorm this idea. Let’s encourage each other! Oh, and stop by on Thursday for my personal story.

So how did you do rethinking an old habit? Was anyone able to think through a habit and decide it either needed changing or was worth keeping?  Ready for another challenge?

Another habit we need to consider is routinely buying something because Mom or Dad did. This is a subtle one. When one leaves home, sometimes still in their teens, how do they decide which laundry soap to buy? Do they just not do any laundry while researching additives, colorants, scents, effectiveness and cost efficiency? Chances are they either buy whatever is cheapest or choose what their parents bought. Generational brand loyalties were a very, very powerful thing before the internet and social media. For those of you under 30 years of age, buying the same laundry detergent your mom bought was as emotionally powerful as creating a trending Twitter hashtag.

And the companies that create and advertise brands bank on this knowledge. Images of Mommies hanging laundry out to dry on a clothesline while a little curly-haired girl dances among the flowers nearby is selling the image of freedom and love as much as clean clothes. To my generation, a ring around the collar equaled a laundry-doer who just didn’t care. Stains on children’s clothing were unacceptable. Any scent wafting from a closet other than “April Fresh” was a disgrace.

And it’s not just laundry. Spaghetti sauce, ketchup, hairspray, shampoo, toenail clippers—everything we purchase has the potential of being chosen because of generational loyalty. Have you tried other brands lately?

A big bruhaha came of the sudden change of formulation last summer when Silk Soymilk stopped using organic soy beans, but adjusted their label in a way to look so similar that many consumers were tricked into believing the product was the same.

So, ‘fess up. What do you buy because your Mom did? Why do you stick to it? Are you willing to give other brands a shot? How about forsaking the “brands” altogether in favor of a homemade alternative? Is there one purchase you make over and over without really thinking through they “why” of that particular brand? Come back Thursday for my story. But today, leave a comment or link to your blog where you discuss this topic. Let’s encourage each other out of the trap of automaton shopping!

For me, the rethinking process sometimes involves thinking in reverse gear. With a house full of kids, believe me, we have tried just about every chore assignment system devised. Charts, cards, lists, zone cleaning, daily assignments, free-form, we’ve done it all. Most of the time, what inspired the change from one system to another was that something wasn’t working. Bathrooms were not getting cleaned, rewards or correction had to be meted out far too regularly, if I didn’t stand there and watch it, it didn’t get done—something along those lines.

By stopping the frustration with the current system or habit and imagining the end result, then charting a path back to where we started, I could get a much better grip on where I wanted to head than by using someone else’s system. (Yes, I have tried Flylady. Thanks for asking.) Sometimes there are benefits to reinventing the wheel. The greatest system in the world isn’t great if it doesn’t work in my own home. If, one day, my adult child is caught vacuuming before they dust (HORRORS!) I am going to have to assume they have done the math and this works for them.

The habits we set up in one stage of our lives might work great during that stage. But when circumstances change, shouldn’t we rethink these habits? Some questions to ask might be:

• What was going on in my life that made this the ideal for me?
• Is this habit still serving me well?
• Has something changed in my life that perhaps I need to reevaluate this habit?
• What are some other options for performing this task or making this decision other than the habitual process?

This Thursday, I’ll share a couple habits I’ve formed that worked for years, and others that became outdated when my life changed. In the meantime, please post a comment below with your thoughts and habits, struggles and successes, or link back to a post on your own blog. Let’s share and inspire each other!

Hair parted with a ruler. No kidding.

In Monday Morning Rethink, I asked about buzz phrases that mean something to you. Did you come up with one? Here’s my story.

I’ve shared with you that I’m a control freak. Few of you who know me in real life will be surprised by this. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a tiny child. Somehow I’ve always felt out of control in my own life, so in a vain attempt to be in charge, I would over-regulate and strictly schedule my world. Of course, the more I tried to be prepared, the more life’s curves would throw me off course. And, not surprisingly, the more I realized my inability to control my world, the more depressed and hopeless I would become.

Sometimes the world seems to be spiraling out of control, which only heightens my freaky nature. My favorite buzz phrase started out to be just another way to seek to control my circumstances. The buzz phrase that speaks loudest to me right now is a quote from Mahatma Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” This quote speaks of personal responsibility to me. Don’t just point your finger at what is wrong and shake your head. Don’t just feel helpless to change what isn’t working for you, for your family or for your community. Be the change. Start in your own mind, home and neighborhood.

At the same time, there is a certain amount of turning loose the reins required in my life. The AA “Serenity Prayer” keeps popping into my head and honestly, I find living like this very challenging. You’re probably familiar with the first part, but here it is in its entirety:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

In the Bible, being aware of your choices looks like this:

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

For El Dragon, it looks like a guerilla garden.

For Beth Terry, it looks like reduced consumption combined with an effort to rid her life of plastic of all kinds.

For me, it looks like canvas grocery totes, eating locally, supporting local farmers, buying less of everything, smiling at strangers, not talking or texting during a movie (and staying for the credits), teaching my children manners and taking only one parking space.

When I identify a problem I see in out there in the world, be it anything from rudeness to the takeover of our lives by multinational industry, I bring it home. What can I do within my own four walls that will be the change I want to see? Each choice I make can be analyzed from this platform. Is this purchase what I want to see more of in my home and community? Is this convenience worth what I’ll miss out on? Is this particular battle really worth fighting?

I also try to remember that even using my best decision-making skills, life is going to throw me some curves and I need the ability to adapt, smile and go with the changes. I guess by practicing deliberate decision making, I’m exercising the muscle that helps me think on the fly because my spur of the moment decisions have been improving lately.

Now, honestly, do I do this level of thinking for every decision? Heck no, that’s the fast lane to a rubber room!! But I do try to move my brain this direction when I find myself irked by something.

In this mini-series, I want to chat with you about rethinking life. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately and it’s been very energizing. I’m not going to ask you to be mindful 24/7 and tear apart every part of your life, that’s not energizing, it’s exhausting! But, let’s talk about a framework for re-imagining just one piece of your world. Once you’ve done it and seen the results, I think you’ll be hooked!

Why rethink?

It’s easy to become a creature of habit—to always buy the same laundry soap, go to the same restaurant, listen to the same music and plan the same meals. To some degree, it’s more convenient to have established patterns like this in your life. But at some point you need to ask yourself if these habits are helping anymore or if they are just old data that could be improved upon.

Choosing one area to rethink and then allowing yourself to think differently also gets your creative juices flowing. If you find yourself stuck in a pit of negativity, rethinking can unlock doors that are closed to you when you’re on autopilot. You might find new ways to deal with a difficult person or problem in your life just by approaching the problem from another angle.

Rethinking can be related to all those buzz phrases so popular right now. “Vote with your fork” is rethinking food. “Know your farmer, know your food” is rethinking your food supply. “Think globally, act locally” is rethinking consumption.

Whoa. Change??

Yeah, I know. Change is scary. Believe me, I really do know. I am acquainted with very, very few people as scared of change as I am. It terrifies me. That’s one of the side effects of being a control freak. But I have come to realize that being a creature of habit is more a loss of control than exercising my brain and making choices. When I make conscious choices, I am in charge of the amount of change I undertake. Not Johnson and Johnson, not Monsanto, not my doctor or my tax attorney or my favorite department store. Me. And when I fail, I learn. No choices means no failure but it also means no learning. I don’t want to be in that stagnant muddy pit!

So, that’s why I’m sharing this little journey. If you decide to come with me, be comforted that it won’t take much time at first, it won’t make money disappear from your wallet and it won’t hurt…much.

This week, let’s think about that buzz phrase thing. What is your favorite buzz phrase and why does it speak to you? What does it mean specifically to your life above and beyond its obvious meaning? I’ll be back Thursday to share my story, but I want you to share yours too! Please leave a comment here or link to a post on your own blog and let’s inspire each other!